Today I am thinking about how to respond to failures. What can we do when we find ourselves looking back at something we did and that we disapprove of? If we apply the dichotomy of control (accepting what we cannot change and only consider our actual options) this seems to be a pretty easy question. After all, we can no more change what we did yesterday than we can change the fact that a meteor wiped out the dinosaurs. But that’s not how it feels. It feels like our past failings are a special category of event, one we are charged to carry around for the rest of our lives. I would argue that these memories are only significant in two ways: one, we may be able to make reparations, and, two, we may be able to learn something about ourselves that will be useful in guiding our behavior in the future. Once you have considered these two aspects, it would seem the only logical thing is to let it go. This is generally referred to as “forgiving yourself.” I see self-forgiveness as involving a sober acknowledgement of what you have done, a recognition therefore of what you are capable of doing (i.e. you are a flawed human), a comparison between this behavior and your values, a recognition that you have in this instance not lived according to your values, and a recommitment to how you want to live going forward.
What do you think? How do you respond to your own failings?